Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
