Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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