That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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