my phone needs a breathalizer
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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