Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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