batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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