i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
im holly from the hills drunk
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
a search helicopter?!
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
