There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
