So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
BRING THE BAGELS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
