She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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