she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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