You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
