the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
