Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
