my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
