Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
