Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
