well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
don't judge my taste in strippers
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Panties = found
Randomize