And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
