May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
