I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
