i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
