I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
