This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
