he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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