I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
