He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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