Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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