Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
