He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
