I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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