I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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