Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
