she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
