Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize