shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
