I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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