I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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