remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
