NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
