I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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