Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
