p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
