So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
