Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
