Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize