Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
