The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
