So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
