i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
