Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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