Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
