I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so let's talk penis.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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