we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
