I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
