so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
