Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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