It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
