nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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