theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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