The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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