You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Terrible idea I love it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i out mim tonsoeep
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