Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
