Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
