My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
