dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
