Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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