We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
