I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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