He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
