I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
