Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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