when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
