Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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