i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
