the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
