lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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